I was really happy today. After all, it was mother’s day; one day dedicated to me, a mom! Today, I was going to spend my day with my son on a picnic to a beautiful spot in the valley. I needed to hurry as we were getting late. My son had lovingly picked up a saree of his liking for me to wear today! He says, “Mumma, you look really beautiful in a green saree.” And here I was, fulfilling my son’s wish by draping this saree around me. He is such a great kid. Well, every mom feels the same about her son. But I truly feel that about my Vishu!
Since this morning, I had been really busy cooking for our picnic. This was the first time since this morning, I had a moment to look at myself in the mirror. I realized that I am growing fat. Even after working so hard taking care of house and my son, I was still gaining weight. My bra felt tighter around my chest, and I could see skin folds coming out below my bra band and blouse. Ah, it was bound to happen sooner or later. I looked into the mirror once again after completing my makeup. Something felt missing. Oh! The earrings! I quickly found a pair of jhumkas and began to put it on my earlobes. To avoid getting further late, I called my son, “Vishu beta, are you dressed yet?” And he shouted back from his room, “Yes, mom. I am just wearing shoes now.” I was ready to go too. Feeling satisfied with my looks, I headed towards the kitchen. (Beta: A term in Hindi language meaning son)
Vishu’s favorite sweet dish is suji ka halwa prepared by his mother. And that was the only thing left to prepare. I started roasting suji quickly. I was finding it a little difficult to cook with my long hair open. But Vishu had a special request today that I keep my hair untied today. He is just like his dad! Well, who am I kidding? Yes, I love my looks in open flowing hair. I continued to make halwa somehow managing my hair, and began to pack the picnic basket simultaneously. I once again called my son, “Vishu beta are you ready or not?” You can never trust kids when it comes to getting ready. They can take forever. “Yes, mumma. I am coming out.”, he called back from his room. The sweet dish was done too. “Vishu beta, please bring mumma’s purse from the room. And please bring a pair of black sandals from the closet too.”, I said to Vishu from the kitchen as I finished packing.

“Mummy, I can see there are 3 pairs of black sandals. Which one do you want?”, I heard Vishu’s voice from my room. “The one that has low heels, beta. Your mumma has to walk a lot today. She needs comfortable shoes for her feet.”, I said. “OK, mom”, he replied.
He is such an adorable kid. He never says no to anything that I ask him to do. Anyway, we both were the only ones in this home supporting each other.
I picked up the picnic bag and walked to the front room. My lovely son was sitting there on a sofa. “Beta, where is my purse?”, I asked Vishu. “Here it is, mumma”, he handed my purse to me. I checked my purse to see if everything useful is in there. Any mother needs a lot of things in her purse to take care of her kids. And then I realized that my forehead felt a little lighter. I touched it with my fingers and found that I must have dropped my bindi somewhere. I took out a packet of bindi from my purse and applied it on my forehead. I smiled at Vishu and asked him, “So, how does your mumma look?” He replied instantly, “Very beautiful!”
Now, all I had to do was put on my sandals and leave. I pulled my saree pallu to the front as I sat on the chair to wear my sandals. As soon as I picked my sandals, Vishu stopped me. “One minute, mom. Today is mother’s day. Won’t you let me touch your feet today?”, and Vishu bowed down to touch my feet for my blessings, and began to slide my feet in sandals. The joy in my heart saw no bounds at his gesture. I don’t know where did he learn to do such sweet things for his mom. But I kissed on his forehead to express my love.

“Mom, this greeting card is for you”, he handed me a card to read. And I began to read it with joy and excitement. The card had written “World’s best mom ever” on the top. When I opened the card, I saw that there was a sweet small message written inside by Vishu. “Tvameva mata cha pita tvameva. Tvameva sarvam mam dev dev. (You are my mother. You are my father. You are my everything. You are my god.) I love you mom!”
I had tears of joy after reading that message. I cannot describe how happy I felt. After so many years of hard work and love, I got my reward in the form of love from my son. His words were so true and meaningful. I was his mom, and I was his dad too
He was about 7 when his mother left this world. A young kid was barely learning to live without his mother with the help of his grandmother. But after 2 months, even his grandmother had to go back to her home to take care of his ailing grandfather. He used to remain sad after his grandma left. And after a few days, he came to me and said with a lot of innocence in his eyes, “Papa, I miss mumma.” My heart was shattered hearing those words from him. I was already broken due to the loss of my wife, but I could not see my son like this. I hugged him and said to him, “Vishu, why don’t you watch a cartoon show for a while? I am coming back in a few minutes.” I thought that a cartoon show might distract him from the sadness for a while.

Though I was a crossdresser, but I never had dressed as a woman in front of my son before that day. And after my wife left us, my life had become empty and my desire to dress up had vanished. But that day, hearing the words of my sad son, I thought probably this is the only way left for me. I took out one of my wife’s saree from her closet for which I had a somewhat matching blouse of my size. Holding that soft silk saree in my hand, I was reminded of my wife whom I loved so much. She looked like an angel in this saree. I touched that saree on my face hoping to feel her presence. I wanted to cry. But I controlled my heart, and began to wear that delicate saree slowly. As I wrapped it around my body, I felt as if my wife was hugging me and telling me, “You are doing a good thing, Shrikant. Please give Vishu the love of a mother. Take care of my son.” I cried within.
When I started doing makeup, my hands which were otherwise skilled to do so, resisted my efforts to look beautiful that day. My heart was in so much pain. I put on a wig and took out my wife’s necklace from the closet. I thought that may be looking at his mother’s saree and her necklace, Vishu will fill the void in his heart at least temporarily. When I held that necklace in my hands, I had droplets of tears in my eyes. I had bought this as an anniversary gift for her. How happy she was that day when she looked at it first! I put that necklace on my neck, and gathered all the courage to go out and take care of my son.

He was silently watching the television in that room. To get his attention, I changed my voice with a high pitch like a woman and said to him, “Vishu beta, see who is here to meet you!” He slowly moved his sad eyes to look behind at me. The moment he saw me, there was a big smile on his face. “Papa, you have become a girl!”, and he began to laugh out loud. “Not a girl, your papa has become your mummy!”, I said to him. He was laughing at me, but at least he was laughing after so many days. And I felt happy to see that. I then bent down and said to him, “You missed your mom, right? Aren’t you going to hug your mumma now?” And he came running into my arms. The satisfaction I felt hugging him in my arms, probably that’s what being a mother is all about. The feeling of being a mom was incredible and satisfying. That night he played with me and kept repeatedly calling me mummy, mummy,… and he slept peacefully. I went to my room and slept after changing too.
When wearing a saree that night, I was thinking that this was going to be one time thing to amuse Vishu. But he was an innocent child who would miss his mother anytime he would see some kid with their mom in his school. And he would come to me that day and say, “Papa, I want to see mumma today.” And I had to oblige his request by becoming his mumma while stopping everything else I might have been doing at that time. I had began cross-dressing once again in my life; not for me but for him. And slowly, I had to become Vishu’s mother two or three times in a week. It was a hassle to say the least! Well, making Vishu’s lunch box or helping him get dressed for the school in the morning would take the same amount of time whether I was being his papa or his mom. But to be his mom, I had to wake up at 4 to dress up. And now, I had to wax my full body from time to time. Ouch! Vishu didn’t want his mother to look less in any manner. Imagine doing a makeup at 4:15 in the morning! But I loved to do it for my son who considered his mumma to be the most beautiful woman in the world.

P.S: Have you ever dreamt of becoming a mom, or ever experienced being a mother? If you liked this story, please write a comment and like the post.
https://indiancdnovel.wordpress.com/2017/07/05/mother-in-english/