I belong to a very conservative family and our family loves music and arts. I spent my childhood in a joint family where I have grown up seeing my cousin sisters(paternal side) learning Kuchipudi dance and attending Carnatic music vocal classes. I never tried to learn anything as I was completely lost in my own world of games and playing cricket with my buddies. When I entered my UG. Somehow I thought of learning Kuchipudi dance. So, I approached a dance teacher who dedicated his complete life to dance. He happened to be my cousin's sister's classmate and used to attend classes at my home. So, he knew me since my childhood and agreed to teach me the Kuchipudi dance. At the age of 18 initially, I felt a little tough to do the steps by bending at the knees. Later after few days I used to it and picking it up very well. In my class, there were six girls and I was the only boy. I used to go to the class wearing jeans and a t-shirt and my Guruji noticed that due to the stiffness of my trouser I could not be able to bend my knees for a long time and unable to perform the steps as exactly taught by my Guruji. One Sunday afternoon after my class is over everyone left and my Guruji asked me to stay back. I sat next to him on the floor in the squatting position and after some time I adjusted my sitting posture and again I did it. Then my Guruji said..see you are not comfortable in your trousers they are tight and because of it you could not be able to perform the dance moves properly and getting frustrated. So, what I suggest is better to wear Patiala pants for dance classes from tomorrow and it will make you feel comfortable even if you do some complicated steps. Guruji, how can I wear a girls' Patiala dress and dance in front of the other girls in the class. In my class 2 girls are elder than me, 3 are of my age and 1 girl is one year younger to me. I always used to be the odd man out. They used to correct their steps among themselves by helping each other but never helped me to correct my steps even though they knew I am making blunders. This was also noticed by my Guruji but never said a single word about it to them. Since my Guruji learned his dance in my home and he used to call my mother Akka (elder sister) so to his friends, my Guruji referred to me as his nephew. Even after Guruji's suggestion, I didn't change much. I stopped wearing jeans in class but I used to wear normal trousers instead. One day after the class my Guruji is having an announcement that he is planning for a group dance for the next year Thyagaraja Aaradhonotsav (a yearly cultural event conducted by my family in the town.My Paternal uncle is conducting this year for the past 20 years without missing even a single year) and also some solo performances. This is going to be our aramgettram(first performance on stage) to all of us. We are all very much excited about the announcement and he said one year is too short to give a stage performance. So, there will be more hours of dance practice on weekends. We all agreed to it. Then he announced the group event is going to be all girls' performance and by hearing that I slowly moved to the corner of the room and watching the excitement of all the 6 girls. My Guruji noticed this whole thing and after the class, I usually spend a little more time with my Guruji helping him in his house hold chores as my Guruji's family used to stay in Puttaparthi(Andhra Pradesh) Saibaba ashram. His wife is a devotee of Saibaba but my Guruji doesn't have belief in baba's so he preferred to stay in his hometown rather than moving to his family. That might also be one of the reasons to treat me very close to his heart.

After everyone left after the class that day my Guruji asked to participate in the group dance along with the girls. Then I asked him how it is possible as you announced it as all girls dance. He laughed and a pat on my shoulder and asked Why it is not possible. Then he went inside and came out with a photo album in his hand and he has shown me one pic after another in the album and he explained to me the when and where they were taken and all. Finally, he pointed to a beautiful women's picture and asked me to guess. I couldn't able to guess after taking some time then my Guruji said it was his picture while performing Bhamakalapam (a Kuchipudi dance form where most of the time men dance like women and play the role of Satyabhama). He said he will teach me that as I have more feminine features and can also participate in the girls' group dance. I was excited as I get an opportunity to dance like a woman and can also surprise my family who conducts the event. To date, no one is aware of my dance classes including my parents. I just thought of learning it and so I am learning it that was my state of mind back then..But I only have one-time experience of wearing my cousin Pallavi's half saree ones and don't have any other dressing experience at least this made me to worry a lot and thousands of questions in my mind whether I can handle or not or become a jocker in the team or what ..like that...I was having very few friends right from my childhood. In my college, I used to have only two friends in my class who are very close to me. One is Phani and the other is Radha(myself and Phani used to call her Pedda Akka(elder sister) as she is 6 months older than both of us in age). In the evenings I used to go to my friends Phani's home almost daily and it is our hangout place. I still remember the hot evening snacks prepared by my aunt. Phani is having a younger sister Santhu and an elder brother. Phani, Radha, Santhu, and I used to have fun every day in the evenings. Radha used to travel from her village to our town for college daily and she used to take the evening bus to her village. Since the frequency of the buses is less after college she used to wait at the Phani's house till her bus comes.

One day when Phani's mom is preparing some snacks for us and I asked aunty to give her a few minutes of time to discuss something. She always treated me like her son only. I am very close to her and used to share a lot of things with her. I told my aunt about my Kuchipudi dance classes and explained to her my situation of treating me as the odd man out in the class by other girls and the support I have got from my Guruji and all. Then with a little hesitation, I told her my Guruji's idea about teaching me Bhamakalapam. The moment she heard about Bhamakalapam she immediately jumped off her seat and said go ahead ..learn it ..you look so beautiful as a girl and she narrated about her experience of attending the Bhamakalapam performance by the legendary Dr. Kala Krishna Garu in one of the Jhanardhana Swamy temples some 5 years ago. She explained how elegantly Kala Krishna Garu danced. She said she will give me full support for my preparation if needed. I thanked her and I explained to her how I was struggling with the Aramandi (partially bended knees) posture with my jeans and other trousers then she suggested me to wear a Patiala pant to the class as it is loose I can comfortably do it. I said, but I don't have Patiala pants and I told her that my parents are aware of my dance classes. So, I can't go and ask them to buy one. Then aunty handed over me one Patiala pant of Santhu and asked me to try that during class. I thanked aunty and in the evening I went to the class wearing normal trousers and took these Patiala pants in a cover to the class. My Guruji asked all of us to practice the previous day's steps till he comes back and went outside. Since I have freedom in my Guruji's house I went inside and changed into the Patiala pant with a T-shirt on top and joined the other girls who already started practicing the steps. Suddenly they all stopped their practice and laughed at me seeing me wearing the Patiala pant of women for practice. I was feeling very shy and then entered my Guruji into the room and appreciated my dedication and that shut the laughing mouths of my classmates. With this little change of this Patiyala pant, I somehow managed to do better than the girls in the class.

My Guruji is very orthodox and he never entertained anyone coming to the class wearing an outfit that is inappropriate to the dance. So, once a week, only all my class girls used to come in half saree, and the remaining classes they can come in chudidhar. That day Guruji announced that out of 4 classes in a week two classes everyone should come wearing half saree and he pointed his finger to me and said "Including you!!!". What .. Guruji but how I can wear a girls dress..then he said we are planning for all girls group dance and you also should participate in that..Overnight this can't be done..first you should use to the women dresses and then you can feel comfortable and perform the dance.. That very statement sucks my energy and couldn't perform well in the class as I completely lost my concentration. That evening I went to Phani's home and explained to her what had happened in the class and aunty said yes your Guruji is absolutely right. You should first be used to the dress then only you can perform. I told her. But aunty I don't have siblings and I don't have half saree to wear then aunty said "that's not a problem" and she said she will arrange. The next time when I went again to Phani's house aunty asked me to come inside and handed over a rani color pavada with navy blue and gold border and asked me to check the length. Actually, it belongs to Santhu and she altered it so that it can fit me. She also handed over the navy blue dhavani also. Now the problem is with the blouse and even for that also she took me to the nearest ladies tailor and told her to stitch two blouses one is the navy blue one and another bright pink one (I still have those two blouses with me and fits me perfectly even today also...thanks to my aunt). After two days after the blouses were stitched and Phani, Radha, and myself were chitchatting in the evening then aunty while serving us some biscuits and tea said that my blouses are ready and yesterday only the tailor handed over. Then Radha suddenly what aunty what blouses...Krish started wearing blouses or what? Then I was shocked and tried to change the topic but failed to do so. Then aunty explained everything to Radha then she said yes aunty Krish looks pretty as a girl. She also encouraged me by saying all the very best for my dance. She even said she can wear her dresses as well if I want to for the dance class. I said no not required ..aunty made the arrangements. Radha asked blouses are for what and enquired whether I am going to wear a saree or what. I said no it's a half saree. Two times in a week all girls in class attend wearing half sarees that was the rule set by my Guruji. During that discussion, my aunt interrupted us by asking me to come and try the blouse for fitting, and if any alterations have to be made she said she will do it. I went inside and I was followed by my friends Phani and Radha and I wore a blouse in front of my classmate and I felt really shy. Then Radha suggested aunty to give me the pavada and dhavani to complete the dress. Radha helped me with the dhavani and then Radha asked me to do some dance steps and I did. This was so funny and I took it in the right spirit as the people around me were very close to me. Radha said one day she will make me ready with ornaments and a wig to give me a perfect look.

Next Sunday which is supposed to be a half saree wearing to the class. I took my stuff in a backpack and went to the class a little ahead of time for the class. I opened my stuff in front of my Guruji and he said go inside and change yourself into these clothes and get ready for the class. I changed into this beautiful half-saree and I heard other girls are entering the class. Guruji said let's start the class but one girl said Krish didn't turn up today for today's new class. Then Guruji called me to come and join the other girls. All the girls shocked and laughed at once seeing me dressed up like them. Guruji said from today onwards I don't have six girls and one boy in my class, I have all seven girls in the class. By saying that he started the class and we all did well. After the class, Guruji went inside the house and to my surprise, all the other girls in the class approached me and complimented me and I told them that during these six months of the classes today is the first time they spoke with me. They said I am also one among them and started treating me like their sister. My classmates asked me to come to the class a little early the next day. In the evening I explained everything to my aunt and she is also very happy and said no need to turn back just practice well. The next day in my class I wore the same dress for the class and as per the plan to the class, I went a little early to the class. To my surprise, my other class mates who never moved close to me have handed over some gifts on that day. They asked me to open them one after another. I started unpacking the gifts which are having bangles, clip-on earrings, anklets(payal), bindi packet, kajal, and lipstick. That day was coincidentally my birthday also so in return I have shared some sweets with them all. They all had taken the privilege to get ready with the stuff they have presented to me. This went for months like that and in the meantime, I got some dresses from my friend Radha also. But this story has a very unfortunate twist at the end. My Guruji's wife met with an accident while crossing the road and asked her to take bed rest for 6 months. My Guruji left us and went to Puttaparthi to support his wife..those 6 months turned into a year and we could not participate in the event. But even today still I am in touch with my Guruji and he always says he could not keep his promise. Whatever may be the reason I got blessed to have such wonderful people around me and supported me as well.

P.S: All the blog posts are real incidents that happened to me. I may take the freedom to change the names of the characters for the sake of privacy and will try to post the content as it happened.
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